


Those Scary Times.

by Nomberr



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Fear of Death, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sad, Scared Shane Madej, Short, Short & Sweet, Sickfic, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 14:26:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20743691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nomberr/pseuds/Nomberr
Summary: Shane is scared. Ryan is willing to hold him for as long as it takes.





	Those Scary Times.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't wrote anything on here in awhile, thought I would try giving it a go again. Hopefully it doesn't suck lmao.

It was late at night. I had woken up in a cold sweat, my whole body practically drenched from my fever. I didn't even open my eyes as I was pulled back to consciousness for what had to have been the 4th time that night. I tried to lay still, praying my mind would just drift off again and let me sleep. 

God just let me sleep. 

It was bad enough I was a sick mess most of the time, I didn't need to be lumbering around like an overly exhausted zombie as well. Ryan was freaked out enough as is. 

I turned my head, prying my eyes open to look at Ryan, who was sleeping beside me, his face resting in a relaxed countenance. He looked so peaceful, the dimmest light from the streetlight outside our apartment casting the shadows from the blinds on his face. I didn't want to move, to accidentally wake him. Not when he was finally getting some rest. But my tongue felt so heavy in my mouth, taking up far too much of the much needed space.

I opened and closed my mouth a few times, wishing I could just reach out and run a hand through his hair, which fell in a black mess over his forehead, without worrying about getting sweat all over him. I ached with the need to just touch and be close. To pull him to my chest and breathe him in without the dull throb of my unshakable fever to cause him worry. 

I hate seeing him worried. 

Its ironic, given our job. My whole thing is scaring him. It's funny when it's 'ghosts', things that I know aren't real and can't hurt us. Unlike...this. This is real. The way his lip trembles when he listens in on doctors appointments. The way his eyes get so full of hurt and grief when I can't get out of bed. The way he lingers around me constantly, so afraid to let me out of sight out of fear that I might be gone when he comes back. 

That's real. So unbearably real. 

That fear, that real kind that no amount of jokes or reassurance can remedy, it hangs over him like a lingering storm. I try to make it easier, to be less of a burden. If I can show him that I'm not afraid- he has less to worry about. I would do anything to just get him to stop being so scared. Scared for _me. _I can't stand it. 

I also couldn't stand being under this blanket anymore, which feels like smoldering coals around my quivering form. I slide it off as carefully as I can with my shaking hands and slide off of the bed, the cold air of the room biting at me ferociously. I wrap my arms around myself and spare another glance at Ryan, all bundled up like a cute little burrito. Smiling hurts my face, which feels tight and sore. I have to tear my eyes away before finally leaving to go into the kitchen. Ignoring the ache in my chest as I leave him alone. 

It's ridiculous really. How much I miss him when he's not in the room. I shuffle into the kitchen, grabbing a likely dirty cup from the counter before almost stumbling to the sink, catching myself on the counter. Every ounce of my being wants to be in there with him, he's just one room away and yet he feels like we're miles apart. 

Maybe its because a part of me knows we won't have much time together left. 

I turn on the faucet, the cold water missing the cup and hitting my fingertips, drowning out the despairing thoughts that had begun to claw their way into my skull. I brought the cup down to meet the stream and watched the water pool up, higher and higher. My legs felt stiff from having to stand there, practically hunched over. I wanted to just sit down. I wanted to be with him. I wanted to not feel like shit-

The water bubbled over the cup, spilling down into the sink. I turned off the faucet and turned to leave when the entire world seemed to tilt beneath my feet. I stumbled, grabbing onto the counter for support. I took a ragged breath, waiting for the dizzy spell to pass. My mind swimming with static, the darkness in the room seeming to press against me from all sides. 

Breathe Shane- you're fine. 

I tried to take another tentative step, but everything hurt and everything was spinning. My knee buckled and I hit the floor with a light thump, my cup of water slipping from my grasp, spraying the cool liquid everywhere. I gasped for breath, long thin limbs sprawled out on the tile, trying to catch my bearing. 

_God damn it- fucking- can't even get a cup of water. _

Tears prickled at my eyes. I bit my lip, trying to repress my gasps for air. I urged myself to gather the strength to get up, but the pain settled into my very core, a scorching hot fire weaving it's way into my chest. I couldn't stifle the sob that escaped my lips, hands grasping in the darkness that wasn't there. 

Im so alone, so lost and stuck and scared. 

Scared, scared, scared. 

"R-ryan" the first time I called out it was faint, the words barely louder then a sigh. I pulled my arms back to my chest, wrapping them around myself in an attempt at a hug. My mind reeled at how I could feel my own bones shift beneath my finger tips. I felt like a completely different person beneath my very own palms. 

"Ryan!" this time I was loud, the panic lacing my voice causing it to crack. I rolled onto my back, staring at the darkness above me. It seemed to shift closer as I lay there, lost and alone in the dark. 

Made me wonder if this is how Ryan always felt. 

I just about began to sob, my body shaking in that terrible type of fear I had before mentioned, before I felt two strong hands rip me from the darkness. I blinked a few times, the world coming into focus above me, Ryan's wide eyes above me, his beautiful mouth murmuring words of comfort that were just out of reach. I didn't move or make a sound as he wrapped his arms around me and lifted me off the cold ground. The desperate hands of sickness tried to drag me back down, the world fading to darkness again for what felt like a brief moment-

When I came back too I was grabbing at Ryan, his wornout oversized lakers t-shirt balled up in my fist, desperately holding him near me. He had me on the couch, kneeling beside me with a wet rag pressed against my forehead, feeling like ice pressed against my hot skin. I could feel myself panting, struggling to get a good breath in. 

"Shane bud it's okay I got you- you fell alright you need to breath okay-" 

His voice fluttered around me, so calm and light. A stark contrast to the sharp panic that clung to my skin. I bit back the sob that struggled at my throat, my grip tightening on his shirt. It hurt to breath- to move.

"Shane. Shane look at me" 

I felt his hand on my jaw, lightly tugging my face toward his. My eyes met his gaze. His big brown eyes searching me carefully. He looked so hurt- so scared. 

"Shane, what's wrong talk to me please-" His voice was tinged with desperation. "I can't help you I don't know-" he paused, taking a shuttering breath as if to steady himself. "I don't know what you need". 

He continued to stare at me. Looking so lost. So frightened. I wonder if he could see the same thing when he looked at me. A scared man, shivering in the dark, scared of a monster that he couldn't see.

Oh life is so painfully ironic-

"I need you-" I tried to put it to words, this horrible dread that was ripping apart my insides. This fear that I was losing it, that I was going to be left alone, shaking in the dark. I couldn't say anything, just tug slightly on his shirt as my jaw shook, clenched tightly in desperation. I didn't need to say anything else. He leaned down and wrapped his arms around me with a steel tight grip, like if he wasn't careful I would slip between his fingertips and into nothingness. 

Part of me was afraid I might. 

I clung back, arms wrapping around him in a fierce embrace, desperate to keep him close, keep him safe and with me. I wanted so badly to be somewhere else, to be able to just hold him and have nothing be wrong- to be _okay. _I never wanted anything so badly in my life. 

"I'm scared Ry-" The words brought everything shattering around me, my face now running slick with tears, chest shuttering as sobs wracked my body. He pulled me closer, if that were even possible, as I buried my face in his shoulder, muffling the wails that attempted to fight their way from my throat. It hurt- to be the one that was afraid, after so long trying to be the one who was strong, who didn't need- this. But I didn't care at this point. My chest burned with the desire to have my turn to be scared. To just be _held, _no matter how selfish that may seem.

"I know-I know" He moved his hand in a small circle on my back. Murmuring soft comforting words as I vocalized my repressed despair. Mumbling nonsense as my mind reeled with an endless ramble of panic. He pressed his lips against the side of my head, against my hair, speaking softly, breath tickling my scalp. "I got you, you'll be okay- I promise." 

It wasn't a promise he could keep. We both knew that. But I would take what could get. Hopelessly clinging to his every comforting word, no longer fighting the wails that fought their way from my stomach. All of the dread and fear built up and flooded into that dark living room until I had nothing left. Even then I just continued to sniffle and whine. Ryan still holding me in a firm embrace. Even as the soft light of morning began to filter through the windows, he remained next to me, shielding me from the cold that began to seep into my bones. 

By the time our alarms rung for the day, the dawn light had chased the shadows away. It almost felt like waking up in a haunted house. Wrapped up in each others arms, waiting for the fear to pass. 

Only now the fear wasn't something we could escape. That darkness would come, one way or another. Maybe he was right, maybe I would get better and everything would be fine. But also- maybe it wouldn't

But for now, curled up in his arms, his breath on my scalp, hands clasped in mine. 

I didn't have to be afraid.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, lemme know if you did who knows I might get back into the habit of writing on here again ;)


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